Dearest You.. From Me.

Dearest You,

It’s been over a year since we broke up. You have someone new; I’ve recently gotten back together with the ex from before you. Maybe these relationships will work out better for us. There isn’t a day that I don’t think about you, though. Isn’t it funny how we don’t even talk anymore? Even though we said we’d still be best friends? You were my best friend, you know. I can’t believe how much you let me lean on you for three years, now that I think about it. That wasn’t fair to you. There was so little I was brave enough to do on own and that’s why, that’s why I sabotaged everything, to make it so I had to let you go. All that talk about going separate ways in the future… about not being able to picture us working out… about you not wanting what I wanted… the fact is, I was happiest living day to day with you whether at school, overseas or at home. I was happy not knowing what was going to happen, just seizing each day with love and laughter. I regret that I lost sight of that. You have no idea how heartbroken I was when I learned you felt things were better this way. But… I’m happy that you seem happy (from what I can tell on Facebook, even though just viewing your page nowadays seems to send me into a fit of tears and “if only”s).

It’s painful that you’re not next to me anymore when I wake up every morning. I miss your voice, your laugh. I miss watching you from across the room working hard on some assignment. I miss the warmth and familiarity of you by my side in a group of mutual friends. I miss being able to spot you out in a crowd. I miss being part of your family. I miss the way you used to look at me when I was your most important person. I miss looking into those hazel eyes. You’ll never have any idea how much I miss you, I think, though God knows I told you again and again about two years ago. You deserve the very best and brightest future. You deserve someone who won’t hold you back, someone who won’t turn to the wrong crowd when he doesn’t get his way and then take for granted all the beautiful things you’ve done for him, shared with him. I once heard that “getting over” a breakup takes at least half the length of time that the relationship lasted. Looks like I have at least one more year to go, huh? You don’t have to worry, I will find happiness again. The one blessing of being apart from you is that every day, I gain a little more courage to do the things I was afraid to do alone before. But honestly, I don’t believe I’ll ever be “over” you. You’re still very precious to me, even when we’ve been careless with one another, even though we can’t find time for catching up anymore, even though you’re far away and might not even be thinking about me at all. You’ll always have a place in my heart. And I wish I could tell you that if you’re ever feeling as alone or as lost as I feel right now, you’re always welcome to come to me.

Love always,

Me