Don’t let unspoken expectations harm your relationship.

The trouble is, these expectations, if left unexamined, can lead to resentment, especially when you believe that you are pouring more into the relationship than your significant other. There are five things you should do now to fix the problem before it’s too late.

01. Challenge Your Own Perspective

Before you bring your concerns to your significant other, first ask yourself if you are really giving more or if you are looking for your significant other’s contributions to the relationship in the wrong places. The five love languages are a helpful tool when it comes to identifying the ways he is showing you that he cares. Sometimes, we expect someone to show that they care in a way that isn’t their first choice.

02. Get Rid of the 50/50 Myth

As you prepare to bring up your concerns to your significant other, don’t think of your relationship as one where each should be equally contributing, as if in a 50/50 split. This type of unspoken contract turns the relationship from one of unconditional love and support to one of keeping score. Instead, think of your relationship as one with some flexibility where you might need to offer more support at some points and your significant other will need to offer more support at other times. What’s more important than 50/50 give and take is clear expectations that you both agree on. Likewise, time with each family might not always be 50/50, but it's important to come to an agreement about what works best for both of you.

03. Verbalize It

As much as we’d like to, no one has the superpower to read minds. If you have a strong sense that you are doing more in the relationship and that it isn’t a temporary phase, it’s time to bring it up to your significant other.

Let them know that you’ve been feeling overwhelmed recently by all that you have been doing to support your relationship. Give specific examples to help them understand what has happened and why it bothers you.

04. Emphasize Togetherness

It’s helpful to talk about the imbalance in your relationship as something that you need to change together as a couple. When you are united as a team, it will be easier to find a solution than if one (or both) individuals feel attacked and singled out. Working together as a team will also help strengthen your relationship and help you see that you can work through these issues successfully.

05. Offer Concrete Solutions

Once you’ve brought up your concerns, be prepared to offer some concrete solutions. This can help to turn the conversations from what isn’t going well to a constructive, problem-solving mode. Talk about facts and practical steps rather than just how you are feeling. Plus, identifying concrete solutions will help you both make sure you are making progress toward your goal.

Don’t let your tendency to go the extra mile for the sake of love get in the way of your relationship. Embrace the seasonal give and take that relationships bring, and support each other. Then, watch your relationship grow.