unholy

i.

You want to paint the scene all
reds and greens and I keep saying
we were golden but the right
color just doesn’t exist.

How do you paint
holy things?

ii.

The first time you kissed me I 
put my hands up and I didn’t
know it then but that was
my first surrender.

I said you taste like God and you
said I don’t want him here and waved
your hand between us like a rickety
gate.

We swung open and
shut.

iii.

I was in Catechism the first
time I thought about touching
another girl.

When I told you your lips turned
up and you smiled then laughed
but it wasn’t mean.

It wasn’t mean yet.

iv.

There are different types 
of prayers but we prayed for 
ourselves and to each other.

Down on my knees always
down on—

v.

When it’s early and the sun is
beginning to sneak up and shine into
my window I imagine you here
with soft light in your hair.

You want to paint me
black and blue and hang me
up in your front hall for
all the guests to see 
and we both know
I’d let you.

We both know, for you, there’s
nothing I wouldn’t do.

vi.

I still make the sign
of the cross when
I hear your name.