Empty

This is the one word that comes closest to describing the feeling. Everything seemed to be perfect. It was like a Ferrari cruising down the highway on its way. Out of nowhere, everything changes. The Ferrari that once seemed unstoppable slowly putters to the shoulder of the highway as the gas gauge lands on empty.

The feeling is indescribable. The pain is worse than breaking every bone in your body. The loneliness is worse than being trapped in a cell for the rest of your life. The sadness is worse than having your childhood pet run away and never come back. The worst part is that there is nothing you can do to make this feeling go away.

You will initially feel like nothing else in life matters. It will be impossible to focus on school, work, or any other activity you participate in. Then you’ll try to get them back by blaming yourself for the problems and showing them you are willing to do whatever it takes to fix those problems. This could be through constant phone calls or maybe you’ll show up at their house and pour your heart out to them. After a few hundred calls go straight to voicemail or they emotionlessly tell you to leave their house, the reality that the relationship is over finally hits. Your self-esteem becomes non-existent. Your motivation disappears. Nothing will ever be the same so you spend all of your time feeling broken, beaten, and abandoned.

A few weeks will pass and anger toward your former lover will team up with the emptiness in your heart. This is especially true if they are able to move on to another significant other while you are still struggling to pull yourself out of bed every day. It seems like all of your time is spent either yelling or crying. Nothing will ever be the same.

There are only two things that will slowly mend your heart—crying and time. It doesn’t matter if you’re a sensitive 19 year old woman or a macho 22 year old man, it is okay to cry. It doesn’t matter if you bawl like a baby alone in your room, in front of your parents, or even around your closest friends. You shouldn’t be ashamed. The tears just prove how much that person meant to you. Losing someone you love is a traumatic experience and grieving is a great mechanism to get through the trauma.

The other factor is time. With each tick of the clock, you will feel slightly better. You will spend more time with friends you neglected during your relationship. You will find time to read those books that have been sitting on the bookshelf for months. You start hitting the gym and seeing muscles you never thought you even had. You will begin to feel happy about yourself again and realize you don’t need another person to make you happy. It may take weeks, months, maybe even years. There is no timetable for healing a broken heart, but it will happen.

There are a few things you can do to speed up the healing process even more. Don’t stay angry at your ex for what they did to you. Even though they caused unimaginable pain to you, don’t let that memory ruin all of the good memories you had together. At first it will be hard to think about the good without feeling pain, but as time goes on you will appreciate those memories and the love you felt when they happened. Also, don’t spend too much time sulking. It’s natural to feel like it will never get better, but do your best to improve yourself whether that be physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. If you see improvement in yourself, your self-esteem will slowly resurrect itself to a level you have never experienced before.

The most important thing you can do is learn. Learn what traits from your ex you loved and which ones you couldn’t stand. Learn what type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Learn that someone who isn’t willing to love you through both the good times and the bad times isn’t the one you want to love either. While it’s hard to believe right now, there is someone else out there who will love you forever. It may not happen soon, but eventually you will find the perfect person for you. The emptiness will fade and the Ferrari you left stranded on the side of the road will be filled up with a gas that doesn’t burn up and never hits empty.

It will get better. It just takes time. 

Thank you all for reading. I know what it feels like to be in your situation, so I hope this truly does give you hope that it will be okay in the end.