if you're questioning yourself...

 

If you think you're going to be single forever I'd say you have low self-esteem. You're essentially saying you're not good enough in some way for other people to find you attractive. It's pretty damning really, like saying you're not worthy of love or attraction.

I've been in this mindset and part of me was desperate for love. Love would validate me and raise my self-esteem. The problem with this is that if you don't love yourself, you can never keep a relationship together. Even if the person loves you, you'll reject that love because you'll think it's a lie. "She loves me. But I suck, so she must be lying."

At the same time, because your self-esteem has been boosted you'll find yourself getting incredibly clingy. If when alone you hate yourself and with a partner you feel a little better, you'll never want to give that partner up. You may even start to get overly defensive when some threat comes along. Your girlfriend is laughing at your friends joke? Maybe they're going to run away together and leave you heartbroken. Yes, they probably will because nobody likes you or respects you.

These thoughts lead to anger, resentment and eventually arguments which just leads to more negative thinking and lower self-esteem. Until you're overwhelmed and the relationship causes you pain. But you can't leave the relationship because without it you'll be alone with lower self-esteem. You'll be nothing, it may not even be worth living. Plus you'd never find anybody else dumb enough to love you. But the relationship inevitably does end because it turns you into a wreck.

At that point you can blame yourself or you can be constructive. Blaming yourself will just lead to lower self-esteem which was the problem to begin with. You'll just end up in a spiral of pity.

Instead it's better to focus on enjoying your life. Find passions, friends and become happy with yourself. Be your own source of happiness rather than looking for somebody to make your happiness for you. Once this happens you wont care if you have a relationship or not because you'll be content.

But eventually you'll meet somebody anyway, as tends to happen and at least this time you'll be able to enjoy it as there's nothing else getting in the way.