264 HOURS

 

 

Have you ever walked away from a relationship while you were still in love with that person?

I have, about 264 hours ago. I love her but because I do, I walked away.

The thing in the way of our bond, unlike any I'll ever find again, is that we've been caught in an endless cycle of fights and "reconciliations" followed by promises to change behaviors (which then don't get changed and result in more hurt and disappointment) for over 2 years now. We've tried everything, or maybe not tried enough. We just seem to get sucked back into the same patterns where we both get hurt really badly over and over again. Especially her. I think she is the one who has sacrificed her own self-worth due to the vast amount of blame she takes. I'm not including many more details than that because I don't need advice, really--I know I made the right decision and that I need to stick to it. Even though my heart is suffering, and doesn't want to believe it.

What I could use is some support from people who have been in similar situations who are further down the road to healing than I am right now. It seems so wrong. It seems like the opposite of what to do. To walk away from someone you love so so much, but I just don't see any hope of our situation getting better. Or her really understanding me or the repercussions of her unintentional hurtful behavior and actions. Have you ever done something similar? Can you reassure me that sometimes it's the right thing to do? The issues that stand in between us seem to be mainly about misunderstanding and empathy. I am drained from having to explain my hurt over and over and seeing no changes being made. I am so disappointed and devastated that something that is a matter of just "getting it" and being supportive is standing in the way. But I have lost hope and I feel similar to someone in mourning. I didn't want this. But for some reason it happened and I can't lie to myself anymore.

We suffered from a condition (that’s as much as I am willing to be descriptive), which prevented us from "bonding". We agreed as long as we were working on this condition and bonding in other ways, we will be just fine. But I don't want to be the one reminding her, for a couple of reasons. Firstly, it feels really grimy and unpleasant to be telling her to do it, because it feels like I'm trying to take control of her. It's also putting all the responsibility on me.

Secondly, it makes it seem very clear that this is being done purely for my benefit. She's not doing this because she wants to bond with me; she's doing it so that I can bond with her. That is very unappealing and makes me feel unwanted. I want to bond with her for the emotional connection and the mutual passion/desire. If it's being delivered to me simply to keep me "happy" then that's not what I want at all, and defeats the entire purpose. We don’t even bond in other ways we agreed to without my asking for it.

I just wish she would keep fighting, keep trying, therapy or anything else. But then again, all of these will be of no use if it is like I fear, among other things that she is losing attraction to me. I feel as if I'm being pitied.

It’s only an issue she can deal with, my willing to support in any form along the way means nothing without that realization. Little can be as painful as support becoming pressure.

In break ups I have been able to heal because an obvious reason and wrong was committed. Or someone just didn't love me. But this is so hard. I love her. And we've always supported each other. But this "thing" is in the way of love being enough. Will time apart help? I know that sometimes it takes losing something to truly make changes.

Walking away from the love of my life because it just isn't working right now. And it seems wrong but right and confusing as hell. I don't know if this is right or wrong.

There were plenty of times I never felt appreciated or like she wanted to put the effort into us, which made me emotionally exhausted and in turn caused more fights. Looking back, I wanted to change her more than I should have, which should have been a red flag early on in the relationship. But I saw it more as "if she really cared about me, she should WANT to change herself to be more like what I wanted/needed". I now always try to remember that a relationship and partner are supposed to bring out the very best in you, and vice versa. If you're always angry and always resenting each other, that is the last thing that happens. You can’t force someone to change themselves if THEY don't want to. Love doesn't work that way and it took me 2 years to figure that out.

Breaking up is never ever easy, but you can only go up from here. And who knows, without contact, maybe down the road if you two work on yourselves and if it's meant to be, then maybe you two will work out. But if not, there's someone out there who would be HAPPY to work and fight for you how you need them to.

The Pope vs the Jews

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community...

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'silent' debate.

On the chosen day, the Pope and the Rabbi sat opposite each other.

The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

The Rabbi looked back and raised one finger.

Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.

The Rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.

The Rabbi pulled out an apple.

With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the Rabbi was too clever.

The Jews could stay in Italy!

Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened.

The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. Finally, I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He bested me at every move and I could not continue!"

Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the Rabbi how he had won.

"I don't have a clue!!!" the Rabbi said.

"First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger. Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews, so I told him that we were staying right here."

"And then what?" asked a woman.

"Who knows!!" said the Rabbi. "He took out his lunch, so I took out mine!" 

Heist

 

Boundaries

 We all know the very basic rule: Give some to get some. We have heard it recited on so many occasion, but to live by it’s meaning implies:

If you are only accepting but not giving back just as much, you have created an imbalance that will eventually destroy your love. That one should be obvious.

And here is the flip side:

If you are giving and not getting as much in return, again the imbalance will eventually destroy your love.

Therefore if you go too far in pleasing the other person, you will inevitably create resentment in yourself. And resentment has a way of festering in you and eating away the whole foundation until nothing is left but (self-)loathing.

This is why putting up boundaries is essential. Those are your limits, and beyond those there is no true compromise possible that would come without resenting the hell out of each other. It’s not always possible to stick to them, but it should be a rare occurrence and not the norm.

Communicate your boundaries frequently. Talk to your partner. Get to know your partner’s boundaries too. Knowing them and respecting each other’s boundaries will strengthen your partnership, if you are compatible to begin with.

A Roman Catholic priest is on his way to Rome when he runs into an old childhood friend.

 “My goodness, Mary!” He says. “How have you been?”

“Oh, could be better,” she says. “My husband and I have been trying to have children for fifteen years, but we are barren.”

“I’m so sorry,” says the priest. “I’m on a pilgrimage to Rome, and I promise to light a candle for you in the great cathedral.”

Mary thanks him, and after chatting a little longer, they part ways.

Five years later, the priest is eating dinner when there’s a knock at his door. He opens it, and to his surprise, it’s Mary.

“I’m so glad I found you!” She exclaims. “Remember that candle you lit for me, years ago? Well, my husband and I now have two sets of twins and a set of triplets — and I just found out I’m pregnant with quadruplets!”

She then hands the priest an all-expenses paid ticket to Rome.

“Oh Mary!” Says the priest. “Your joy is my joy. You didn’t need to give me a thank-you gift.”

“Oh no, it’s not a thank you,” says Mary. “It’s so you can blow out that motherfucking candle.”

Dave was getting robbed in the desert

 

he gave the robber his money and asked the robber shoot a few bullets in his hat to make it believable to his wife that he was robbed.

he then asked," shoot a few bullets in the coat while you're at it, I want to look like I fought you and not look like a coward"

after the robber shot the coat, he said, "shoot a few holes-"

"please, no more holes, I'm out of bullets"

"that's what I wanted to hear. now give me back the wallet and some more money for the hat and coat you destroyed before I beat you black and blue"

Wait a sec