You meet your 13 year old self, but can only tell them 3 words, what do you say and why?

 

"Embrace your uniqueness."

I would choose these three words because they encompass an important lesson I have learned over the years. As a 13-year-old, I struggled with fitting in and often felt insecure about my differences. However, as I grew older, I realized that embracing my uniqueness was the key to my happiness and success.

By telling my younger self to "embrace your uniqueness," I would be encouraging them to accept themselves fully, including their quirks, interests, and talents. I would want them to know that it's okay to be different and that their individuality is what makes them special.

This message would also serve as a reminder to my younger self to stay true to their authentic self and not try to mold themselves into someone they're not just to please others. It's important to embrace and celebrate one's unique qualities because they contribute to personal growth, creativity, and fulfillment in life.

Overall, these three words carry a powerful message that I believe would have a profound impact on my younger self, empowering them to embrace their true self and navigate their journey with confidence and self-acceptance.

I'm sorry my Inspector Osaigbovo

 I remember how you loved me. I remember how I was the center of your universe. I remember how you made me feel, like I was the best that could ever be. But I pushed you away. I took you for granted, I thought you’d never leave; because how could you love me so immensely and then just stop? it didn’t make sense then that I could completely demolish someone’s love, until I did.

I never meant for this to happen, I never wanted to push you away. but I misused the love you gave me. I fed my ego with it. I selfishly filled every void within me with your love, and it was never enough. You were every void and every piece of me. You were everything and everyone. But I never realized that until you left. I took from you without thinking about you.

I was selfish and I was ignorant to you and your feelings.

I’d give anything to take that back.

I sincerely apologize to you.

I’m sorry for putting you second when you should’ve been first.

I’m sorry for making you wait all those months for me, when I could’ve simply not.

I’m sorry if I ever made you doubt your love to me, because you couldn’t have loved me any better.

I’m sorry I pushed you away, because now I’d give anything just to have you back.

I’m sorry I was ungrateful of you, but you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I’m sorry for not appreciating all that you’ve done.

I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like a burden.

I’m sorry I took you for granted, when I should’ve given you the world instead.

But most of all, I’m sorry I couldn’t love you the way you loved me before now.

If things could change, If you could let me love you, I’ll never let you go. I’ll never break your heart, I’ll give you all I have, and I’ll love you with all my heart, unconditionally.

Looking back on our past together, I often wonder how you were ever so patient with me. I never realized just how lucky I was to have you in my life, until I tried to imagine life without you.

As I sit here, I want to say how sorry I am for taking your love for granted. When I think about how many times I might have lost you, it brings tears to my eyes.

Your love is so unconditional and pure, like the beautiful person you are. You’ve always accepted me as who I am, making sacrifices for me and ever giving of yourself. When I think about the love you’ve given to me, it overwhelms me. No matter what it takes, I promise you, I will spend till the end of all time loving you the way you deserve. I love you so deeply and I never want to take the chance of losing you again.

People don't know what marriage is.

 

They think the purpose of marriage is to be happy. They have no idea what they are committing to. Every time a young couple asks me how I stayed married for so long, my answer is like this:

When you get married, you are saying you want to share someone's life with them. When they stop wanting sex, you're going to be ok with that. When they get cancer, you're going to nurse them. When they can't walk, you're going to wipe their ass.

Marriage isn't about being happy. It's about finding happiness in the duty of commitment and building a business/life/family with another person.

For those of you with healthy relationships with parents, when your parents don't make you happy you don't dump them. You don't go get more parents. You don't even imagine that. Mom and Dad are your parents forever. Marriage is the same. Your wife/husband is your family forever.

That doesn't change until their there is abuse/danger/destruction and you've tried and failed to help them (not too much). Addiction, repeated adultery (I think someone confessing can be fixed, someone getting caught cannot, repeat offenses are too much), physical abuse, constant debasement and name calling are all grounds for cutting the cord.

The same as with parents.

The problem most people have with marriages that fail is that they go in thinking, "This person will make me happy." The fuck they will. That person is going to change. You married an athlete?? Watch them get fat, melt, and decide to pursue music. You married a stay at homebody bookworm? Woops! Now they think they want to pursue acting! You think they are going to cook and be clean - uh oh - they have cancer and now you do EVERYTHING because you are a live in nurse.

Frankly, if that scares you at all, you should not get married. Because you aren't signing on for happiness. You are signing on for sharing human life, and a human life is a complete chaotic crazy mess.

 

It's okay to always be the one to initiate contact with a friend. Just because they don't reach out to you first doesn't mean they don't like you or want to hang out with you.

 It's okay to always be that friend who starts up the conversation. Never assume they don't like you or don't want to spend time with you just because they don't text you first or invite you to things. Don't ever tell yourself that without evidence to back it up.

It's a two-way street and they want to feel accepted and feel like they belong just like you do, at least to some degree. You reaching out tells the other person that they are important to you. This boosts your self-esteem for stepping out of your comfort zone and helps them feel more confident in themselves. Double win and you get to spend time with a friend.

A man in New York walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage.

 

The boy working in that department told him that they only sell whole heads of cabbage. 

The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter...

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old b***** outside wants to buy half a head of cabbage."

As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man had followed and was standing right behind him, so the boy quickly added, "...and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.

Later, the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier, we like people who can think on their feet here, where are you from son?"

"Brazil, sir." the boy replied.

"Why did you leave Brazil?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but prostitutes and soccer players there."

"Is that right?" replied the manager. "My wife is from Brazil!"

"Really?" replied the boy. "Who did she play for?"

Being a total non-communicator to understanding how to do it.

 

First of all, communicating with your significant other is an intimate experience. Developing emotional intimacy can happen a lot like physical intimacy. Imagine that instead of taking articles of clothing off one by one and watching your partner's eyes light up with anticipation and delight, you are slowly revealing more of your inner self, piece by piece. The most widely accepted model to explain the development of emotional intimacy (the process model) was devised by Reis and Clark (citation escapes me). Emotional intimacy develops when:

Person X reveals self-relevant information (dreams, fears, memories, feelings, desires, etc.) to person Y.

This information passes through the interpretive filters that Person Y has developed over a lifetime of experiences (depending on the nature of the information--one's relationship concerns, for example---the filters can be more or less specific, defined and intense).

Person Y validates what Person X has expressed (by saying things like "I hear you" or "I bet that really weighs on you" or "That's totally something you can achieve").

Person X hears this validation through interpretive filters. Something that sounds validating to you (e.g., "I get it") might sound very different (e.g., "You can stop talking because I already know what you have to say") to this other person who has a totally unique set of experiences. This can make things super screwy.

So that's the basic idea of how intimacy develops. When we communicate with others we seek to be understood. We want others to know us, even when we lie (perhaps especially when we lie). What is perhaps the most important part of that process model is the idea that everything we communicate goes through layers of interpretation. When my mom orders Chinese take out over the phone and the person on the other end can't quite understand what she's saying, she makes the mistake of speaking louder rather than more slowly and more clearly. This is a mistake that a lot of people make when communicating with their partner. You may believe that you're communicating an idea as clearly as you can, but it's totally possible that the person listening has experiences that are so different from yours that you might as well speak different languages.

When you talk to your SO (or anyone, for that matter), remember that you're talking to an individual, someone who is as complicated and deserving of understanding as you are. The most frustrating kind of conversation that I have ever had has been the "Yeah, but what I'm saying is" kind. When communicating, you should seek to be understood but you should also seek to understand. It is entirely possible that if you were to take a minute and really think about what your SO is saying, you might realize that they DO understand you.

This is crucial: express emotions. Don't hold emotions back. Your SO will be able to tell that you're hiding something, but not necessarily what you're hiding. Say "I'm feeling really upset right now" or "I'm angry that you did x" or "I'm really glad you told me about x". This is not the cold war. You can tell your SO how you feel about something.

Speak without pride. Never go into a discussion believing that you are absolutely correct and should be listened to no matter what. Even if your partner has wronged you, they deserve your attention and consideration (barring, of course, emotionally/physically/verbally abusive relationships!). You are not more important than your partner, and your partner is not more important than you. I know that I frustrated the hell out of a lot of my partners by adhering to the idea that what I had to say didn't matter, that my voice shouldn't be heard. I had some partners who believed that because they were sad or angry, their thoughts mattered more. Be open, be humble, be willing to admit that you were wrong. It's not the end of the world if you were wrong about something---in fact, it might save your relationship to admit it.

Demonstrate openness physically. Touch your partner in a caring, relaxed and non-demanding manner (and definitely non-sexual. Don't be gross.) Touch your partner on the knee or shoulder. Take their hand. Remember and remind them that you care about them (and not just what you get from them). Face your partner. Keep your shoulders and hands relaxed. People read body language and can tell (at least on some level) if you're holding back anger or not really listening--a lot of that comes across through the way you hold yourself. You can lie with words, but not with your body. My dad was emotionally abusive and it's still incredible to me how easily I can detect tension in people---it's all in the body. Crossing your arms, clenching your jaw, looking down and away---those are all give aways that you're upset and to an extent, not receptive.

Use humor. Don't trivialize what your partner is expressing but try throwing in a tiny joke here and there to dispel that tension. Laugh, smile, look your partner in the eyes.

Trust. Even if that little voice in your head is telling you to shut up or keep quiet because your partner is going to laugh or reject you or hate you forever, trust yourself to care about someone who wouldn't hurt you like that. It's possible that they WILL do those things, but I promise you, it is better to trust and get hurt than to not trust and keep everything inside. Trust in yourself to have valid feelings. Trust yourself to be reasonable, to be fair, to be loving and kind. You are a good person. Just like you wouldn't care about someone who didn't have any redeeming qualities, your partner wouldn't care about you if you weren't a good person.

Give your partner reason to trust you. Just because they do something wrong doesn't mean it's any less wrong for you to do that thing. Extend the olive branch. It's always the right thing to do.

Don't interrupt. If you interrupt someone, you might as well be saying "I don't care what you're saying, listen to me. What I have to say is more important". Nothing shuts me up faster than my SO interrupting me. I've spent a lifetime being silenced by other people and it makes me feel terrible (and unwilling to cooperate) when my SO does that to me. This might mean letting your partner take time to articulate what they mean. It's incredibly rewarding for me when I sit there for a full 60 seconds saying "I mean..." "I don't know.." "It's just..", then actually figure out what I mean and think and want to say and my partner has given me the conversational space to do that. I get that it can be frustrating but our thoughts and feelings are complicated, you can't just expect that everyone will be able to articulate their thoughts right away. Give them time to figure it out and you'll both benefit.

Advocate for yourself. You deserve to have your needs met, but you don't deserve to have someone to meet your needs for you. Explain to your partner how they can help you achieve your needs. For instance, sometimes I need to just vent about something to my partner that is unrelated to our relationship. He used to counter everything I said with a solution until I told him flat out that I just wanted someone to listen to me. I needed to vent so I found someone to talk to and I helped him understand how to help me meet that need.

Ask questions!! This is absolutely the easiest way to get me to talk about something. If my SO just sits there and goes along with everything I say, I don't believe that he understands me. It seems like he's bored or uncomfortable and just wants me to stop talking. If he asks questions, I know he's engaged in the conversation. I feel more validated and I'm a lot more likely to be honest about my feelings.

Don't lie. Lying never helps your partner or your relationship. There may be some things that you don't need to discuss (like how you hate his favorite tshirt or how she loads the dishwasher incorrectly) but for the important stuff, don't lie. When you lie to your partner about serious stuff (like how he's taking his shit out on you or how she's mean to you when she gets drunk) you're only attempting to protect yourself. It's hard, but be honest. If you don't respect your partner enough to be honest, they won't show you that respect either.

Be honest, trust your partner, ditch pride, ask questions, express emotions, accept fault when you're wrong and treat your partner like an individual person.

 

The simple fact that people refer to God as "He" is proof enough that god is but an extension of man's ego.

 

God, an omnipotent creator of the universe, somehow has a gender. Like, this timeless, formless, incomprehensible being so high above we simple human beings somehow still conforms to the sexual dimorphism of sexually producing multicellular eukaryotes?

"God is an incomprehensible perfect non-human being, but we're sure he's got a Devine Cock and Balls".

Do people seriously think a cosmic being beyond the universe is marked by Earthly constructs?

It’s always the human emotions that get me... God is jealous and angry, etc.

If you think of God as the structure or source of creativity in the universe, then we clearly are created in the image of the universe. The ratios of atoms in our body mirror the universes, the fractal branching we see in nature we also see in our bodies, our bodies are the reflection of natural law, the source of which God represents.

Also, in the original Hebrew, "He" in the bible was gender-neutral. They only had one pronoun.

As an agnostic, I do not deny the existence of God--there are too many mysteries in the universe to rationally come to that conclusion--I deny the validity of human religions, which all contradict each other and are all in their own ways ridiculous.

There could be an entity that created the universe and/or guides it in some way, but the likelihood that any one religious sect in the 10s of thousands of religious sects that have existed got it all right, which they all claim, is infinitesimal.