People don't know what marriage is.

 

They think the purpose of marriage is to be happy. They have no idea what they are committing to. Every time a young couple asks me how I stayed married for so long, my answer is like this:

When you get married, you are saying you want to share someone's life with them. When they stop wanting sex, you're going to be ok with that. When they get cancer, you're going to nurse them. When they can't walk, you're going to wipe their ass.

Marriage isn't about being happy. It's about finding happiness in the duty of commitment and building a business/life/family with another person.

For those of you with healthy relationships with parents, when your parents don't make you happy you don't dump them. You don't go get more parents. You don't even imagine that. Mom and Dad are your parents forever. Marriage is the same. Your wife/husband is your family forever.

That doesn't change until their there is abuse/danger/destruction and you've tried and failed to help them (not too much). Addiction, repeated adultery (I think someone confessing can be fixed, someone getting caught cannot, repeat offenses are too much), physical abuse, constant debasement and name calling are all grounds for cutting the cord.

The same as with parents.

The problem most people have with marriages that fail is that they go in thinking, "This person will make me happy." The fuck they will. That person is going to change. You married an athlete?? Watch them get fat, melt, and decide to pursue music. You married a stay at homebody bookworm? Woops! Now they think they want to pursue acting! You think they are going to cook and be clean - uh oh - they have cancer and now you do EVERYTHING because you are a live in nurse.

Frankly, if that scares you at all, you should not get married. Because you aren't signing on for happiness. You are signing on for sharing human life, and a human life is a complete chaotic crazy mess.