Boundaries

 We all know the very basic rule: Give some to get some. We have heard it recited on so many occasion, but to live by it’s meaning implies:

If you are only accepting but not giving back just as much, you have created an imbalance that will eventually destroy your love. That one should be obvious.

And here is the flip side:

If you are giving and not getting as much in return, again the imbalance will eventually destroy your love.

Therefore if you go too far in pleasing the other person, you will inevitably create resentment in yourself. And resentment has a way of festering in you and eating away the whole foundation until nothing is left but (self-)loathing.

This is why putting up boundaries is essential. Those are your limits, and beyond those there is no true compromise possible that would come without resenting the hell out of each other. It’s not always possible to stick to them, but it should be a rare occurrence and not the norm.

Communicate your boundaries frequently. Talk to your partner. Get to know your partner’s boundaries too. Knowing them and respecting each other’s boundaries will strengthen your partnership, if you are compatible to begin with.

A Roman Catholic priest is on his way to Rome when he runs into an old childhood friend.

 “My goodness, Mary!” He says. “How have you been?”

“Oh, could be better,” she says. “My husband and I have been trying to have children for fifteen years, but we are barren.”

“I’m so sorry,” says the priest. “I’m on a pilgrimage to Rome, and I promise to light a candle for you in the great cathedral.”

Mary thanks him, and after chatting a little longer, they part ways.

Five years later, the priest is eating dinner when there’s a knock at his door. He opens it, and to his surprise, it’s Mary.

“I’m so glad I found you!” She exclaims. “Remember that candle you lit for me, years ago? Well, my husband and I now have two sets of twins and a set of triplets — and I just found out I’m pregnant with quadruplets!”

She then hands the priest an all-expenses paid ticket to Rome.

“Oh Mary!” Says the priest. “Your joy is my joy. You didn’t need to give me a thank-you gift.”

“Oh no, it’s not a thank you,” says Mary. “It’s so you can blow out that motherfucking candle.”

Dave was getting robbed in the desert

 

he gave the robber his money and asked the robber shoot a few bullets in his hat to make it believable to his wife that he was robbed.

he then asked," shoot a few bullets in the coat while you're at it, I want to look like I fought you and not look like a coward"

after the robber shot the coat, he said, "shoot a few holes-"

"please, no more holes, I'm out of bullets"

"that's what I wanted to hear. now give me back the wallet and some more money for the hat and coat you destroyed before I beat you black and blue"

Wait a sec

 

A lost dog strays into a jungle.

 A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution "This guy looks edible, never seen his kind before". Long So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. 

So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he's about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly "mmm... that was some good lion meat!".

The lion abruptly stops and says "Woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can".

Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. Evidently, the monkey realizes he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return. So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily "Get on my back, we'll get him together".

So they start rushing back to the dog. The dog sees them and realized what happened and starts to panic even more. He then gets another idea and shouts "Where the hell is that monkey?? I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago!!!"

A fellow stuck in a coronavirus outbreak, prayed to God for help.

Soon the head of the WHO came by. He said “Try social distancing! It can save you!”

The fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me.” So the head of the WHO went on.

Then Dr. Fauci came by and told the man “Wear a mask! It can save you!”

The fellow said, "No thanks, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith." So Dr. Fauci went on.

So the fucking world came by - shouting “Wear a mask! Try social distancing. Stay inside your fucking house! It can save you!”

To this the fellow replied, "No thanks, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith."

So the world went on its way.

Then the man threw a surprise birthday party for a family member and 17 people got sick. One person died. Two more would be sick, and damaged for the rest of their lives.

There’s no punchline. This really happened. Wear a mask. Don’t be a fucking idiot.

Dying Feels Like Slowly Sinking- Part 3

I was still deep in thought when I got back to Eric's apartment. After a few minutes of coaxing, I finally got him to drink some water. He was in bad shape, but he looked like he'd be okay. I asked him about how to appease the god, but he wouldn't talk about it. He's going to stay with me for a couple of days, or maybe longer, until he's more like himself. I thought about asking Kelsey to stay with me too, but she'd probably think I was being just as crazy as Eric. Or Mom.

I had a nightmare last night. I was alone, floating in the dark water. I tried to tread water, but you can only tread water for so long. As my head finally sank beneath the waves, I woke up.

I went to check on Eric this morning and he was gone. I don't know what I expected. I called Kelsey, but he didn't come to her place. I checked my email and found that Jess had sent me the messages between her and Eric she said she'd send to me. I scrolled through a few and I've included some particularly interesting ones here.

ERIC: Sorry Im not home Ive been driving around to all the bookstores. lookin for something

JESS: What are you looking for? I'm worried about you.

ERIC: Just a book baby. its fine.

JESS: where are you?

ERIC: right now? bronze age books

JESS: are you coming home?

ERIC: found book be home soon

And then another one, weeks later.

JESS: eric I wont be home till late, are you okay?

ERIC: yes. translating book

ERIC: its talking about the water jess. im so close now. I can feel it

JESS: you're scaring me

ERIC: my dad is dead because of this. i dnt care how scared you are

"My dad is dead because of this?" Dad died from a stroke. What was Eric talking about? At least I had another place to look for him; Bronze Age Books.

Pulling into Bronze Age Books, I thought I might have been in the wrong place. It was a shitty, unexceptional place from the outside, with just a simple sign and windows with metal bars over them. That wasn't all that unusual, given the area of the city it was in. The man inside the cluttered antique bookstore was pretty much what you'd expect; slightly bent with a sweater-vest and thick glasses. He hobbled slowly around the empty store, rearranging identical piles of unread books. I cleared my throat loudly, and upon realizing someone was in the store, he shuffled over behind the desk. "How can I help you?" I wasn't sure how to start. "Did, I mean was there… One second." I pulled up a picture of Eric on my phone and showed it to him. "Have you seen this man?"

The man looked at me for a few seconds, as if trying to figure out my motives. "Ah. You're the brother. He said you might come by." "What? When? Was he here today?" "No, I haven't seen Eric in a few months, at least." I swore under my breath. "He's not crazy, you know," the shopkeeper said, holding eye contact with me. "Are… what?" "I'm sorry, it's not my place." "You can't just- just, could you just explain what you mean?" "It's not crazy to carry on your father's work. So many ancient texts will never be translated, it's important work preserving the past." There's that sinking feeling again. "My… you knew my father?"

"Of course," the man continued, "I've never met a man more dedicated to learning about the Tayu. Are you familiar with the Tayu civilization? They're pre-Colombian, their writings are some of the earliest writings in the Americas that we have." "I, I mean, my… my Dad came here? He was in a wheelchair." "Yes, I know, your brother Eric would take him here every week, sometimes two or three times even." "When?" "Oh, this is a few years ago now. Eric told me about your Mother passing. I'm sorry for your loss." "It's okay. I mean it's not okay but it's not like it's going to change, so I'm dealing with it." The man scratched at a red blotch on his arm. "'The most admirable human trait is steadfastness in the face of inevitable death.'" "What?" "It's a quote. I read a lot of books, you know."

He paused for a second, then reached down beneath the counter and pulled up a clipboard with some papers on it. He flipped through two pages until he found what he was looking for. "Ah, here we are. Are you going to see your brother soon?" I nodded. "Then you can take him the book he ordered. Took me years to find it, your father wanted it too. It's the most complete edition of Tayu texts that exists. It was surprisingly inexpensive, all things considered." He adjusted his glasses. "It's a shame," he said, "how little value we put on the knowledge of the past."

Driving home with the book, I had so many questions. Why was my father researching the Tayu? It must have been about Eric's nightmares, unless maybe Dad had nightmares too? I'd have to stop by Kelsey's to see if she has anything of Dad's that might help. He always used to keep a journal, if he still did, maybe I could get some answers.

When I got back to my apartment, the door was hanging open. "Eric? Is that you?" I pushed the door open slowly, looking around for signs of life. I came into the spare bedroom to find Eric holding a revolver. I didn't own a gun, and I was pretty sure he didn't either. He was staring off into space. "Eric?" He looked up at me. "Eric, are you okay?" He shook his head. "Nah, man, I'm pretty fucking far from okay. The dreams… they don't even start with me above water anymore." "Eric, just please, let's just talk. Put the gun down, okay?" He looked at me, confused, then looked down at the gun in his hand. "Heh. Forgot I had it. Patrick, it's… I'm not… I can't keep doing this. I'm sleeping like two hours a night, my fucking hair is falling out from the stress… I just can't."

I took a step towards him. "Don't try and stop me, Pat. There's room for us both in the coral." "Jesus, Eric, do you fucking hear yourself? You need help, alright? It's not… you just need help." He choked back a sob as he started to cry. "I'm just so alone. Jess is gone, Mom, Dad… I have to see Mom and Dad again." He put the gun barrel under his chin. "Whoa whoa whoa, don't-" I reached out for the gun and he pointed it at me. I slowly lowered my hand and backed up a few steps. "Eric, please, you need help." He chuckled to himself, tears still streaming down his face.

"Every night, the dream starts with me under water, sinking down towards the coral, and I just… I can't swim, I can't struggle, I can't do anything but sink. And eventually I just sink down until I'm lying on top of the coral. And I can hear things that used to be people screaming in ecstasy while I get… while it takes me. And it feels so fucking good when it's pulling me apart. It's like… it's like heroin. There's those little bugs, and they just… they burrow into me and through me and they weave me into the coral and… I feel like I'm in Heaven. And then the panic sets in. I realize I can't move. The little creatures gnaw at my skin and muscle, and once the ecstasy wears off it's excruciating. The bugs bite up through my fingers and pop off my fingernails one by one, and they start crawling inside my mouth and pulling out pieces of my tongue, and all I can do is scream. And then I see someone, someone else floating in the water, sinking towards us. And I remember how fucking good it felt when I got sewn in and maybe it would feel that good when someone else did too, so I call out to them. We all call out to them. We say we love them and that being part of us is beautiful. And they fucking buy it, man, they just swim right over and lay down on the coral, and this wave of pleasure goes through all of us. Whatever enzyme or poison or whatever that those little bugs release when they absorb someone new, it takes the pain away, but only for a second. The rest is just… it's agony. You can feel things living inside you, eating away all the soft parts. But it's all worth it for those few seconds when somebody new joins us. It's like Heaven."

He cocked the pistol. "Eric, please." He looked at me. "I'm really sorry, Pat. But I can't… I can't…" He dropped the gun onto the floor, and I quickly moved to grab it. Once I had it, I looked back up at him so see that his eyes were rolled into the back of his head and he was shaking. I called the ambulance, but by the time they got there it was too late.

Eric's dead. They said the seizure made him have an aneurysm, but they didn't even try to explain the seizure. I can't keep doing this. I have to stop. I should just burn that book and move halfway across the country and just never look back, and if it weren't for Kelsey I would. But if she's in danger, then God help me, I can't get away from this.

After they took Eric's body out, I dug through his things. Wedged into the book he showed me at the apartment was a scrap of paper with something scrawled messily on it. It looked like he had been translating a portion from the Tayu language into English, but it wasn't in Eric's handwriting, it looked more like Dad's.

"The sea is my bed and the coral my cloak. I ebb and flow the stars in my wake. I am the tide, weaver of oceans."