Thank You For The Gift Of Love

Death is part of life; it happens to everyone. We are born, we live, then we die.

No one ever thinks about life without certain people. They feel their loved ones will be with them forever.

 My grandmother also passed away last night. A part of my body feels happy, knowing she's in a better place. The other half feels like I'm getting torn apart inside-out. My parents didn't even tell me because I'm still taking my master's exam finals, after my uncle informed me this morning I was in complete shock, I still can't wrap my head around what happened. I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm confused, and I just miss her. All of my grandparents are dead. we were supposed to visit her in a few months. I didn't even talk to her in months...I didn't even get to say goodbye.

The last time I saw her was years ago unfortunately. My mom and sisters got a chance to visit her in December and she looked well in the pictures.

I just wish I was nicer to her and appreciated her more when she was around. Her daily routines, everything I took for granted and looking back should have truly cherished. My reassurance is in the fact that she had a full life,  had many children, and many grandchildren. She left us with love. Goodbye Grandma Okoh. God the Father has made a special place for you❤

"You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she’s gone
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she’d want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on."

There is this girl...

who is as beautiful as the sun

her skin ever so flawless as it was.

Today someone called her a name

I won’t even say,

because it’s that bad.

She cry her heart out

on the bathroom floor

and I want to comfort her

and tell that she was beautiful

I want to tell her

that I have spent an eternity

praying that she would notice me

but that would have made it obvious I was staring.

You’re not supposed to look at girls that way

but I can’t help it

because those eyes are the only thing I want see

before I close my eyes to dream of her waking up beside me

Those lips are the only ones I want to be kissing at 2 am

and its storming outside

and she has to cuddle closer to me because she’s scared

Those arms I want wrapped around my neck

as I carry her over the bed we share

to make her squirm under my touch

because I love her

She is my everything

but I will never  have her

because she insist of dressing her best

to impress the guys

when they will never appreciate her the way that I do

They will never look at her the way that I do  

and as silly as I may sound

I hate her in all that she is

but she is my everything

and I love her.

Mistakes

Your fragile little heart doesn’t stop hurting because he still has the ability to control it. He says he loves you but doesn’t realize the pain he instils in you everyday. And you try. You try so fucking hard to make everything work because in the end you feel worthless without him. Your mistakes are justified though, but still come bearing pain. And that’s just it. You mustn’t get caught up in trying to over-fix your mistakes. No one should have the ability to make you think that low of yourself and drag you into a never ending sea of sadness. Even the best of the best. Even him.

submission

bleak walls surround me
like how a mass crowd with bleak minds surrounds the thinker. 
I sit and twitch my fingers
glaring 
at this mechanical machine in my wet palms,
it has no feelings what so ever , 
I wish I were so to.
I twitch as I glare at the screen , how mean
I think 
how mean, 
you are leaving me here 
feeling like a puddle. 
You flood me 
with thoughts I never thought existed it is as so they are their own specimen .. They control me. 
You control me.

...for laughs

I need help.

I’m so fucking weird
It’s like:
I’m the nicest rude person you’ll ever meet.
I don’t give a fuck about anything but at the same time, I care about a lot.
I hate people but I want to be everyone’s friend.
I hate myself but I’m completely fabulous.

communication is key

If you’re in a relationship and your girlfriend/boyfriend asks you “are you okay?”

 Don’t lie to them. If y'all are in love, tell them what’s bothering you. They care. It’s okay to be vulnerable with them. Don’t tell them “yea I’m okay” and you’re not, because then you’ll be mad at them for not understanding your hurt when YOU HAVEN’T EVEN EXPLAINED IT to them. People can’t read minds. Give them the chance to listen, give them the chance to understand. Let them love you okay, communication is key.