One of the best jokes i have come across

John wanted to buy a motorcycle.

He doesn't have much luck, until one day, he comes across a Harley with a "for sale" sign on it.

The bike looks better than a new one, although it is 10 years old.

It's shiny and in mint condition.

He buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.

"Well, it's quite simple," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain", and
he hands John a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Liza, invites him over to meet her parents.

Naturally, they take the bike there.

Just before they enter the house, Liza stops him and says,
'I have to tell you something about my family.

'When we eat dinner, we don't talk.
In fact, the FIRST person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.

'No problem,' he says… And in they go.

John is shocked.
Right in the middle of the Living Room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.
In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks. Dirty dishes.

They sit down to dinner, and sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, John decides to take advantage of the situation.

He leans over and kisses Liza.
No one says a word so he reaches over and fondles her.
Again nobody says a word.
So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and takes her, right there in front of her Parents.

His Girlfriend is a little flustered, her Dad is obviously livid and her Mum horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

He looks at her Mum. She's got a great body too.
John grabs Mum, pulls down her pants, and turns her every which way but loose right there on the dinner table.

John sits down exhausted.

His Girlfriend is furious, her Dad is boiling, & Mum is beaming from ear to ear.
But still....Total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of Thunder, and it starts to
Rain.

John remembers his Bike, so he pulls the Jar of Vaseline from his Pocket.

Suddenly the Father stands up and shouts. "I'll do the dishes"!!

An apology, of sorts

For years I lived on the outskirts
My friends got dates, boyfriends, girlfriends, and I watched,
I watched the hearts of gold - or more often,
Hearts of aluminum foil, 
Drowned 
In tacky paint

Some were obvious, though my friends wouldn’t see
Poorly covered
You could see the foil underneath

Some were better, carefully pieced together
They fooled me for years
But eventually, the foil showed

I got pulled into the middle, 
Dizzied and twirled, But you,
You were pure

You were gentle with me, as though I might break
Patient in all situations
Witty and sharp
Intelligent, talkative, captivating
Talented, bright

You were never mad with me.
You never treated me poorly.

We were tentative kisses
Sweaty hand holding
Nervous laughter

We were speechless
Drifting into the unknown

I have no doubt,
That after everything

You were platinum

Slipping

Through

My

Fingers

And I have to wonder -

Could you see the foil?

- Sincerely, a shattered heart

Thank You For The Gift Of Love

Death is part of life; it happens to everyone. We are born, we live, then we die.

No one ever thinks about life without certain people. They feel their loved ones will be with them forever.

 My grandmother also passed away last night. A part of my body feels happy, knowing she's in a better place. The other half feels like I'm getting torn apart inside-out. My parents didn't even tell me because I'm still taking my master's exam finals, after my uncle informed me this morning I was in complete shock, I still can't wrap my head around what happened. I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm confused, and I just miss her. All of my grandparents are dead. we were supposed to visit her in a few months. I didn't even talk to her in months...I didn't even get to say goodbye.

The last time I saw her was years ago unfortunately. My mom and sisters got a chance to visit her in December and she looked well in the pictures.

I just wish I was nicer to her and appreciated her more when she was around. Her daily routines, everything I took for granted and looking back should have truly cherished. My reassurance is in the fact that she had a full life,  had many children, and many grandchildren. She left us with love. Goodbye Grandma Okoh. God the Father has made a special place for you❤

"You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she’s gone
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she’d want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on."

There is this girl...

who is as beautiful as the sun

her skin ever so flawless as it was.

Today someone called her a name

I won’t even say,

because it’s that bad.

She cry her heart out

on the bathroom floor

and I want to comfort her

and tell that she was beautiful

I want to tell her

that I have spent an eternity

praying that she would notice me

but that would have made it obvious I was staring.

You’re not supposed to look at girls that way

but I can’t help it

because those eyes are the only thing I want see

before I close my eyes to dream of her waking up beside me

Those lips are the only ones I want to be kissing at 2 am

and its storming outside

and she has to cuddle closer to me because she’s scared

Those arms I want wrapped around my neck

as I carry her over the bed we share

to make her squirm under my touch

because I love her

She is my everything

but I will never  have her

because she insist of dressing her best

to impress the guys

when they will never appreciate her the way that I do

They will never look at her the way that I do  

and as silly as I may sound

I hate her in all that she is

but she is my everything

and I love her.

Mistakes

Your fragile little heart doesn’t stop hurting because he still has the ability to control it. He says he loves you but doesn’t realize the pain he instils in you everyday. And you try. You try so fucking hard to make everything work because in the end you feel worthless without him. Your mistakes are justified though, but still come bearing pain. And that’s just it. You mustn’t get caught up in trying to over-fix your mistakes. No one should have the ability to make you think that low of yourself and drag you into a never ending sea of sadness. Even the best of the best. Even him.

submission

bleak walls surround me
like how a mass crowd with bleak minds surrounds the thinker. 
I sit and twitch my fingers
glaring 
at this mechanical machine in my wet palms,
it has no feelings what so ever , 
I wish I were so to.
I twitch as I glare at the screen , how mean
I think 
how mean, 
you are leaving me here 
feeling like a puddle. 
You flood me 
with thoughts I never thought existed it is as so they are their own specimen .. They control me. 
You control me.

...for laughs